The Sea Garden Read online

  She takes a deep breath and turns back into the room, waiting. A shadow goes past the window and there is a light knock at the door: he is here at last. He comes towards her, looking at her intently, and she stares back at him, still holding her mug of tea tightly in both hands.

  He smiles, as if he has made a great discovery, and taking her by one elbow leads her back to the big window, still gazing at her. She stares too, trying to see her father’s features in the face of this tall, broad-shouldered, much older man.

  ‘When did you guess?’ he asks. He is so excited, so pleased, that her remaining fears fall away and she laughs.

  ‘I think it was when I first saw you,’ she said, ‘rowing out of the mist and climbing onto your boat. You waved to me.’

  ‘But we saw each other before that,’ he reminds her. ‘That very first day you were walking along the river.’

  ‘Yes,’ she cries. ‘Yes, I remember. You were on your boat and I waved to you.’

  ‘You looked so like Juliet that I wanted to leap into the dinghy and row ashore to you.’

  ‘Why didn’t you?’ she asks, her smile fading. ‘I wish you had.’

  He looks at her and there is sadness in his eyes. ‘Juliet forbade any contact. She said nobody must ever guess. Even when I knew that your father had come back she held me to my promise. Oh my God, there’s so much to explain, Jess. Jess.’ He repeats her name. ‘I never thought I’d meet you.’

  ‘But what shall I call you?’ she asks. ‘This is so weird, isn’t it? After all this time not knowing you I can’t just suddenly call you “Grandpa” or “Granddad”.’

  ‘It sounds rather odd, doesn’t it?’ he agrees. ‘Can’t you simply call me Freddy?’

  * * *

  They sit together at the table, looking at the photographs while Jess repeats the story she told to Johnnie.

  ‘Gradually I eliminated them all,’ she says. ‘Al, Mike, Stephen,’ – she points to them in turn – ‘Johnnie, Tom, Freddy. You and Stephen were the last ones I identified. Kate told me, but somehow, deep down, I had a strong feeling that the one who looked so much like Daddy must be you. Seeing you out on the river, rowing in your dinghy. Somehow you were always just in the shadows, emerging from the mist, silhouetted against the sun, and I could never quite see you. You came and went when I wasn’t around. I thought it must be you and yet it seemed that you were the least likely candidate.’

  ‘Ah, but that was my strong suit, you see. I was always littlest, least and last. Young Fred, little Freddy. Nobody took me seriously. My mother was Dickie Trehearne’s cousin. My father was killed at the end of the war and Dickie let us have the cottage in Cargreen and treated me as if I were another son, like Al and Johnnie. He was a lovely man. Johnnie’s just like him. But Rowena always put me and my mother in the dependent relative category, you see; that’s why it would have never occurred to her that the gorgeous Juliet would seriously prefer little Freddy to the glorious Al.’

  ‘Did you know she guessed Juliet was having an affair?’

  He shakes his head. ‘I was away at sea when Mike met Juliet and got married. When I first saw her I was completely taken aback all standing. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I simply couldn’t hide my infatuation for her. To my surprise she responded to it. I never quite believed my luck.

  ‘We began this mad affair. Mike was away at sea a lot, which helped, and Rowena invited Juliet here, which was rather tricky because Al was around and we began to suspect we were being watched. She’d slip away and I’d row across and meet her. Sometimes here.’ His glance flicks around the sail loft. ‘It wasn’t like this back then but she loved it here. We were crazily happy. And that was the problem. It was crazy. It was the whole mood, that summer, of magic. Those parties in the sea garden with the little lights glinting in the darkness and reflected in the river. The girls in long dresses and all of us in uniform or black tie. We had style, you know, back then. And then Juliet got pregnant. We knew it was mine. She’d had her period just after Mike went back to sea for six weeks so there was no doubt about it. We didn’t know what to do. I wanted her to leave him but she was frightened. We were so young, you see, and she knew that her parents would be furious. Not to mention Mike …

  ‘Well, then Al made his move. He’d been watching us, spying on us. He told Juliet that if she didn’t sleep with him he’d tell Mike. She was very frightened then. She told him she was pregnant, hoping he’d believe it was Mike’s, of course, and that she wasn’t well and all sorts of things. He held it over her, though, and she broke it right off with me. She said she simply couldn’t cope with it all and that I must promise never to admit anything to anyone. I was a fool to go along with it but Juliet was a strong character and Mike was coming home. Fool that I was, I gave in.’

  ‘And what happened then?’

  ‘Things carried on much as usual. With Mike back home Juliet was safe from Al. The four of us, Mike and Al and Johnnie and I, went sailing. A gale was brewing up. There was an accidental gybe and somehow Al went over the side. We never found his body.’

  Shocked, Jess stares at him in silence. ‘Do you mean…? What are you saying?’

  Freddy shrugs. ‘Johnnie and I were below. Suddenly there was a lot of shouting and the boat gybed and when we got on deck Mike was bawling out that a squall had hit us and Al had gone over. He threw a lifebelt over the side and we did the man overboard drill but we never found him.’

  ‘Oh my God. Do you think that Mike … well, hit him or pushed him over?’

  ‘We’re never going to know the answer to that one. Johnnie thinks that Al said something provocative to Mike about Juliet and Mike hit him. Johnnie always maintained, privately to me, that he heard raised voices before the boat gybed. But it was almost certainly an accident. Nobody could have done more than Mike did to find Al.’

  ‘How terrible. Oh God. Poor Rowena.’

  ‘Mike and Juliet went to Faslane and then Mike transferred to the Australian Navy. Juliet said that Mike never talked about that summer to begin with, but then they tried for another child and nothing happened. Eventually they had tests and it showed that Mike was sterile. On top of that Patrick, your father, was growing to look more and more like me. Juliet said that as he grew up it became almost intolerable. I begged her to leave Mike and come back to me with Pat but she told me that Mike still loved her and that she owed it to him to stay. She said it was better when Pat came to England, though she missed him terribly. And then he was killed.’

  Jess stares at him wordlessly, tears filling her eyes, and he stands up, pushing his chair aside, and holds out his arms to her. She gets up and stumbles into them, weeping.

  ‘I miss him too,’ she cries. ‘I can’t bear it,’ and he holds her tightly and mutters against her hair, though she cannot hear the words. She feels the soft cotton of a handkerchief pressed against her cheek and takes it gratefully.

  ‘Sorry,’ she mumbles. ‘Sorry. Only it’s all been such a shock.’

  ‘None of it’s your fault,’ says Freddy. ‘Poor Jess. When Johnnie told me you’d turned up we agreed to play it very carefully. I kept a very low profile but the first thing I did was to phone Juliet. We always stayed in touch secretly, just so that I knew how Pat was, to begin with, and then, later on, you. Neither of us expected that you’d turn up quite like this. We had to assume that you were happy and well cared for but when you came here looking for your past I was determined that Juliet should lift the ban she’d imposed. She agreed to talk. I flew out to the States and she came from Oz and we met up in Los Angeles. She’s got friends there. It was the first time we’d seen each other for more than forty years.’

  Jess stares up at him in amazement. ‘You met her? You met Juliet?’

  He shrugs. ‘The time had come. No Mike to worry about now. Pat gone. It was time to think about you. To sort things out. I didn’t think that it would be too much of a shock for you. After all, you never knew Mike very well and it wasn’t going to affect Pat, so
I got a bit bolshie about it. I tried to persuade her to come back with me so that we could tell you together, but she wouldn’t. She says it’s too late for us, and I agree with that, but that she hopes to see you again before too long.’

  ‘You did that for me?’

  He smiles at her rather ruefully. ‘I suspect I wouldn’t have been a very good father, sweetheart, but I’d like to give our relationship a damned good shot. I have Juliet’s permission to tell you everything. That’s what I went for. And I got it.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Johnnie’s thrilled to bits.’

  ‘He knew all the time?’

  ‘Oh, yes. Johnnie knew everything. After the first shock he thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to set things right at last. But then he began to get a bit anxious about Rowena. He said she was behaving very oddly. He had no idea she knew anything about it, you see.’

  ‘She’d guessed that Juliet had had an affair, and that the baby wasn’t Mike’s, but she assumed it was Al’s child.’

  ‘Johnnie told me that when he phoned last night after you’d talked. It was a complete shock that she knew anything at all. It’s been a very difficult few weeks, sweetheart, but Johnnie’s just so happy about it. He hates subterfuge and lying, but we agreed that I should keep well out of the way at first. I watched you at a distance.’

  ‘It’s been so odd,’ she says shakily. ‘When I first came it was like I belonged, you see.’

  ‘And you do, sweetheart. It’s your home. My family have been here for generations. You’ve come home, Jess.’

  When Johnnie arrives they are sitting together drinking tea, still talking. Jess gets up and goes to him.

  ‘You’re my cousin,’ she says. ‘Freddy’s told me. Isn’t it wonderful?’

  ‘Yes,’ he says, hugging her. ‘It’s wonderful.’

  ‘We’ve made a plan,’ says Freddy. ‘I’m going to take her over to the cottage now and bring her back this evening on the tide. You’ve been selected from a host of applicants to tell Sophie.’

  ‘And Oliver,’ adds Jess quickly.

  ‘Thanks,’ says Johnnie drily.

  Freddy grins at him. ‘We must go while there’s still enough water. Come on, Jess. Put on something warm, it’s freezing out there.’

  They all go down to the dinghy, Jess climbs down into the boat and sits in the stern. Freddy follows her, sitting down midships and shipping the oars. Johnnie drops the painter into the boat and pushes them off.

  As Freddy rows, Jess watches him searching for things that will link him with her father. She recognizes the way his hazel eyes crinkle up before he smiles and she sees that the iron-grey hair would have been that same dark brown. He is strong, still vigorous, and she feels a sense of pride in him: this is her grandfather.

  ‘Don’t think,’ he says, between strokes, ‘that I don’t want you to stay with me. I hope you will, but it’s only fair that you see the cottage first. And anyway, I think I’ll have a bit of tidying up to do.’

  Jess is glad that he hasn’t offered. The sail loft, between the big house and Freddy’s cottage, is neutral territory. Just for now it’s her own space in which to come to terms with the unexpected happenings of the last few weeks.

  ‘I’m glad you’re a sailor, though,’ he is saying, and he smiles at her; his son’s smile.

  She feels a strong desire to burst into tears but she smiles back at him, and turns to wave to Johnnie.

  Johnnie continues to watch them for a moment, raising a hand in response to Jess’s wave, and then turns back towards the house, rehearsing the story in his head.

  * * *

  ‘I knew there was a mystery,’ says Sophie, her cheeks pink with excitement. ‘I just knew it. And you’ve kept it a secret all these years.’

  Breakfast still isn’t over. The shock has made them all hungry and Johnnie has fried a second helping of bacon while Sophie makes more toast.

  ‘There wasn’t much to tell until Jess turned up,’ Johnnie says. ‘Juliet kept in touch in a very low-key way with Fred but he wasn’t allowed to write to her in case Mike saw the letters. When Pat came to England Fred begged to be allowed to see him but Juliet was absolutely adamant. Poor old Fred used to tear himself into pieces as to whether he should simply go against her wishes but, at the same time, he had no idea whether it was worse for Pat to go on believing that his father – Mike, that is – didn’t love him or to discover that his mother had been…’

  He hesitates over the word and shovels more bacon onto Oliver’s plate.

  ‘Not a good place for poor old Fred,’ agrees Oliver. ‘And the longer it went on, I expect, the more difficult it became.’

  ‘And the trouble with that kind of mad affair,’ adds Sophie thoughtfully, ‘is that it’s generally based on simple lust, and Juliet probably wondered what it would be like if she actually threw caution to the winds and came back to Fred.’

  ‘We’ll bow to your experience in the “simple lust” department,’ says Oliver, ‘and assume that poor Juliet was between a rock and a hard place.’

  ‘There’s much to be said for that theory,’ says Johnnie, ignoring Sophie’s side-swipe at Oliver’s swiftly ducked head. ‘Fred was the youngest of us all, even younger than Juliet, and you wouldn’t have seen any sign of gravitas in him back then that might have helped Juliet to make the decision to leave Mike. Freddy was in his final year at Dartmouth and Mike was already third hand on Optimist.’

  ‘How awful it must have been for her,’ says Sophie, suddenly serious. ‘Pregnant with another man’s child, having to keep it a secret, and then going so far away from home. Poor Juliet.’

  ‘But before that happened,’ says Oliver, ‘Al died.’

  Johnnie looks at him quickly. Oliver finishes his bacon and pushes his plate to one side.

  ‘Sophie was right about there being a mystery,’ he says, ‘but the point is that Rowena seemed to be tied up in the middle of the mystery.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right,’ agrees Sophie. ‘It was Rowena who made me suspicious in the first place before Jess arrived.’

  Johnnie is silent. He puts down his knife and fork and pours some more coffee.

  ‘I had no idea at the time that Mother suspected that Juliet was having an affair,’ he says at last. ‘Remember, it was one short summer fling, that’s all. I knew because Fred and I were so close. More like brothers than Al and I had ever been. We swam and sailed together, went fishing. All our lives we’d been inseparable. Johnnie and Fred. Freddy and John. My father and Fred’s mother were cousins and there had always been a close connection. Living across the river from each other, same schools, Dartmouth.

  ‘When Fred told me about him and Juliet I was very envious. Well, you’ve seen the photographs, you’ve seen Jess – what young man wouldn’t be? But even then I guessed that dear old Freddy was very slightly out of his depth. There was magic all around that long hot summer and he was enchanted. It was all a midsummer’s night dream and he was Bottom to Juliet’s Titania. When he found out she was pregnant he was horrified and then elated. “She’ll have to leave him now,” he said to me, but he was reckoning without Juliet’s streak of common sense. The dream was beginning to fade and Oberon was on his way home. Mike had specialized and he was now a submariner. Fred was still at Dartmouth. I think Juliet panicked and self-preservation came to the fore. Luckily she was just about in the time frame for Mike to believe the child was his – and anyway, he had no reason to doubt it…’

  ‘Until Al told him?’

  Johnnie nods at Oliver. ‘That’s very quick of you. Al had guessed at the affair. He’d spied on them, and now he saw his chance. He’d always fancied Juliet.’ He sighs. ‘He was the golden boy and he wasn’t used to coming second. He threatened her, said that unless she slept with him he’d tell Mike the truth.’

  Sophie stares at him in horror. ‘Oh God. What happened?’

  ‘Juliet attempted to reason with him, said she was pregnant and tried to sta
ll him, but there was a bullying streak to Al and I can imagine that she was frightened of him. She told Fred it was all over, that they simply couldn’t risk being found out by anyone else. He was desperate but he did as he was told.

  ‘Mike came home from sea and we all went out sailing together, the four of us. Me and Fred. Al and Mike. It was something we did a lot. We’d been racing out in the Western Approaches and were on the way home. Fred and I were below. Al and Mike were on watch.’ For a moment he is silent, remembering the raised voices, the boat’s sudden gybe. ‘Al was steering. The boat gybed and he went over the side.’

  Oliver waits but Sophie rushes in.

  ‘Are you saying it wasn’t an accident?’

  Johnnie rubs his hands across his face. He’s thought about it a thousand times. ‘How can we know? The wind was really getting up. Mike said a squall hit the boat. It took Al by surprise and the boom knocked him over the side. And that’s when Mike began to shout for help. But I heard the voices, you see. I heard angry voices before the squall hit the boat. I’ll tell you how I think it was, but this is just between us. We were running before the wind and I think that Al would have been steering. Well, suppose Al taunted Mike about Juliet? Suppose a row started and Mike swung a punch at him? Al always liked to stand up to steer. He would have overbalanced, fallen backwards and swung the tiller to port. Result: an accidental gybe. The boom could have knocked Al over the side. Mike would have felt guilty, horrified, which is exactly how he behaved. When Fred and I got up on deck, Mike had flung the lifebelt over the side and was beginning the man overboard routine. We searched all night but we never found him.’

  ‘How ghastly,’ says Sophie. ‘How utterly awful for you all.’